Kickin’ up some Dust

I remember once several years ago going through a huge transformational shift. I scheduled a massage with Sabrina Channel. (Check her out if you are in the area. http://www.channelsofhealing.com She is an amazing practitioner.) I asked her, what is going on with my body? She said, Trina, you have gone through tremendous growth in the past few months. Your ego doesn’t like not having control. Hence the pain you are experiencing.

Here I am again, in the middle of a huge shift in consciousness. For the last three months, I have been trying to get my body back to a homeostatic place. I am down to 108 lbs. The smallest I have ever been in my adult life. The symptoms have taken their toll on me physically. I just went in for a plethora of blood tests.

The culprit is not unknown. The culprit is resistance. Most importantly the fear of change. Change in every aspect of my life. I have made a vow of acceptance with myself that, what I am experiencing is temporary but the outcome is life changing. I have talked about my changes throughout my blog, so these are not unknown to you as my readers. Most of what you may have interpreted are the physical changes, regarding the landscape of my journey. What I am  unearthing is organic to say the least. I am stepping into a new dimension of myself; I love who I see looking back at me in the mirror.

I am choosing to let go of what lies beyond the familiar landscape of my past. I have been, up until now, a planner. I am stepping into the unknown. Totally trusting a power much great than myself to guide me is something I have never done. I know this is a great deal of what I am resisting. People have asked me what are you doing after your term in Jakarta? At this point, it has not yet been made known to me.

So why have I chosen to post about this? If your soul is calling you forward, remember this. The ego dislikes being uncomfortable.  It will try and coerce you back to what is familiar.   I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I made the right decision taking this assignment. This assignment was much more than a job. No matter my ego’s perception of the perceived challenges, this has been a catalyst for my soul’s work in progress.  My soul received a call I chose not to ignore and it was the best decision I ever made. I will continue to keep you posted as my path unfolds.

It has been a turbocharged year of change and personal growth. All is well…this much I know is true. A power much greater than myself told me so.

Formally Invited, Playfully Accepted.

I formally was invited to an Indonesian wedding reception as opposed to crashing one as I wrote about in my blog entitled “The Sound of Music.”

I am not sure why I keep missing “The Wedding?” Maybe it’s a sign. Well here let me tell you what I do know about the reception;

If my family and I went, we would all wear the same color of clothes. Not everyone follows this tradition, but many do. Why might you ask?
That’s the thing you do, I was told.

There is a live band, but no one dances. Not even the bride and groom. What does everyone do you might ask? You eat and ogle at the bride and groom who stand for approximately four hours smiling, shaking hands and having their pictures taken with a long line of eager teams competing for the best group picture. I cannot imagine looking through all these pictures later and finding mine and saying who the heck is related to the “Bule”? The bride asks the groom. Did you invite her? The groom states, “NO.” Did you? The bride says, “I have no idea who she is.” The groom replies, she must be that Indonesian “Wedding Crasher.”

Did I mention there is no alcohol served at an Indonesian wedding reception? Why might you ask? Because Muslims do not drink alcohol.

What do they do instead? After we ate and had our pictures taken “The Bule” decides to convince her Muslim counter parts to do something out of the ordinary.

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I Choose Love

Have you ever noticed that sensationalism is like some voodoo magic? All of the sudden you can go from one emotion to the next in less than 60 seconds. If you don’t believe me, watch what happens to your body, mind and soul when you allow yourself to get caught up in it. I have found myself becoming negative, doubtful, scared, angry, powerless, protective and closed off when tuning into the media.

As easy as it may seem to take the path of fear it can be just as easy to take the path of love. This path opens our hearts, provides hope and insight, dissolves anger, and spreads light.

There are those that voice; it’s easy for you to say this when you are not living in the middle of it. I agree. I have been feeling a lot of pain lately both physically and mentally. It’s a challenge to find the light and feel the love when your in the middle of it. There are moments when I can become still and connect with source and feel the love. I can also find a ray of light while reading a post from someone who is also choosing to spread the love and or connecting with someone who is not allowing themselves to be guided by fear.

I currently live in a country where over 80% of the population is Muslim, and I can tell you what I see being shown in the Media is not what I am witnessing here. Those I talk to are sad that the media is capturing the Muslim population, as a whole, in this light. Oppression lies in stereotyping an entire culture in one light or the other due to an act captured by the media; this creates more anger and more violence.

I am choosing to be the change. I may be one, but I have the power of many when what I share does make a difference. Being love creates a ripple. Not only in giving but also in receiving.

 

 

Mop Head Mamma

I bought myself a rain poncho two months ago when I was told the monsoon season would officially start. I have been prepared.
So far I have been able to dodge the rain. Until today when all of the sudden I felt sprinkles and then like an unexpected visitor tapping on more door that I refuse to answer… “The knock” became a rap which turned into someone beating my down door like some police raid on an innocent victim.
I look at others as they gracefully pass me by with their seemingly unabashed motor skills. Is this how you do it I ask myself? You put on your Superman/ woman cape/poncho and save your makeup?
Then I realize no one else is wearing one.
Well the hell with this I thought. I am putting mine on. I pull over at the first available parcel of uninterrupted space and whip out my cape. TA DA  I am ready to save my pride. As I get back on my bike I look behind me and I realize I created a fashion statement. Hey I will have you know though, I AM the hottest, mop head, momma on a moped you ever saw.
Oh and by the way if anyone tells you you need a pair of slickers so your feet don’t get wet doesn’t understand the law of gravity. When rain falls into an orifice…this too shall fill!

A Smile a Hug and Handshake

I had the opportunity to visit an elementary school in the Puncak mountains in West Java.

Simple joy can be found in a smile, a hug or handshake and a little bit of sign language:)

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I asked a question in Indonesian Bahasa.

Apa Kabar which translates. How are you?

Then I signed it while the instructor translated.

I then share with the boys they are handsome and the girls are beautiful.

The instructor asked me, So this is the sign for “I am handsome”  I repeated, and then he asked so “I am young and handsome” and I signed back.

The kids thought that was hysterical.

Coming Full Circle

I continue to be in awe and wonder at what the universe lines up for me. Why, I don’t know. One of Unity’s principles is “thoughts held in mind produce after their kind.” I know, I know. But what transpires never looks like what I envision. But really, does anything ever look like what we envision? Ok, I will speak for myself since I am the only person I can speak for. It hasn’t so far.

Before I left for Indonesia I said that I want to expand what I do to include motivational and inspirational speaking and I also wanted to establish a blog.  Well up until now, writing has always been something I avoided because I felt that I wasn’t good enough to put pen to paper.  Guess what the Universe laid in my lap?… Uh huh, someone to challenge my fear of writing. Fathom that.

(Something you may not know about me is that one of the issues I hold dear to my heart is the protection of young girls being sold at a young age. Two years ago I sponsored two little girls one from Africa and one from India through Plan International. An organization that works to prevent such a fate.)

My required reading has challenged me in more ways than one.

I read…

Stolen; brilliant yellow blossoms, the sun’s reflections on the snow cap mountain, loving glances, trust, laughter, hopscotch, my mothers voice, baked bread, clucking hens…my childhood.

Sold; my dignity, my innocence, my body, my voice

I am only 13

Recollections; fragrant flowers, the stroke of my mother’s hand against my cheek, mud pies, sweet smell of mountain air…. Fading

I have been taunted by hope.

What remains; burning, aching, bleeding, pain

Tattered and torn; the memories of home

Endured;  being drugged, whipped, exposed, starved, violated

How old am I?

This is not my fate.

I have challenged my fear… I allowed myself to trust a stranger.

I AM FREE.

You don’t have to be sold or sell your belongings or move to another country.  I shared this with you for two reasons. 1) It was a way to release what I have been feeling and carrying with me. Sometimes, I feel, it is necessary to share and clear the way so that we can move forward and begin to see the larger picture. 2) To offer that if we don’t take a step to challenge our fears we will not know the taste of freedom.